This bed is too hard!
This bed is too soft.
Ooooh…. this bed is just right!”
And Goldilocks pulled up the covers and fell fast asleep.
Goldilocks is most decidedly a naughty little girl. She also does something in her story that’s had me thinking. She tries things out until she finds what she likes best.
She doesn’t go into the three bears’ cottage and eat all of the porridge. She tastes the porridge from each bowl… This porridge is too hot! This porridge is too cold! This porridge is just right! and she eats the porridge she likes the best. Likewise, she doesn’t choose the biggest bed because bigger is better: she tries all of the beds and chooses the bed that feels best.
While the story is about many things, it strikes me that it’s also about discernment. Goldilocks tries things out and chooses what works. She’s not following anyone else’s rules or basing her decisions on anything other than her own desire and what brings her joy. She also doesn’t take more than she needs.
We live in a society obsessed with having more than we need. This past month, I’ve been contemplating sufficiency and feeling into the power of choosing only that which feels aligned and satisfies my needs and desires. I’m reprogramming myself. The Western capitalist script of “more is better” has been feeling really heavy. A few weeks ago, we went through the house and found things that deserve another life but don’t need to belong to us. We donated bags of clothes and furniture, books and games. It now feels more spacious and comfy… like the bed that’s just right.
In Lynne Twist’s The Soul of Money, she writes about three toxic societal myths which she also calls “the great lies of scarcity”.
- The first is “there is not enough”. This keeps people hoarding and believing that we can’t be generous in case there isn’t enough for us and our people later.
- The second myth is the aforementioned “more is better”. This isn’t just about money or accumulating stuff. We’re also never tall enough, skinny enough, educated enough. There’s always something better that we can have or do. I think this is where our desire to optimize often comes from—so we can cram more information, more activities, more stuff into our time and our lives, rather than appreciating what we have and actually enjoying ourselves in the present moment.
- The third is “that’s just the way that it is and there’s nothing you can do about it”. This is the most insidious because it makes people complacent and resigned. It keeps the systems that frankly don’t work for 99% of us in place. It’s the source of institutionalized poverty, racism and sexism.
But back to myth #2. The shedding I’ve been doing hasn’t just been material. I’ve also been contemplating what sufficiency means in my professional life. What feels just right? I definitely got sucked into the “more is better” approach to my work and building my business. It didn’t feel good. I took on too many clients, jumped into too many projects, tried to launch too many programs, and tried to learn too many different approaches to marketing. It got really heavy and I started to notice the anxiety of overwhelm creeping back in.
This year, I’ve been careful not to take on too much, and the strangest part has been noticing how uncomfortable it is to pick fewer things and focus my energy only on what I’m committed to. The “more is better” approach is so deeply ingrained that slowing down and choosing discernment has frankly been terrifying.
It’s been like learning to ride a bicycle very slowly and with control. While momentum largely kept me moving forward in the past, now it’s balance, intention and awareness. Momentum only takes you so far when the wheels fall off every time you stop.
The final thing I will share is that when I choose to exclusively focus my attention on what’s aligned and important, my activities come to life. The workshops I’ve led have been enlightening, deep, and fun because I gave each of them the attention they deserved. I have looked forward to my client calls and walked away from each of them with gratitude and awe rather than simply looking at my calendar to see what’s next. I have spent time working on my book and felt all of the big feelings that arise when choosing to do something really important to me. If I were so busy that I didn’t have space to marinate in my ideas and try different things, I imagine this book would take a very different form. As it is, I have a feeling that this approach will help me to create something deep, impactful and important—something that is just right.
I am still pondering what living in the Goldilocks zone means. We live on a Goldilocks planet where the conditions were somehow just right for life to spring forth. We, each of us, can also choose to live in the Goldilocks zone in our own lives: not too much, not too little, not too hard, not too soft, not too big, not too small… just right: based on our unique selves and preferences. The job, the relationship, the lifestyle—all of the tiles that make up the mosaic of our lives—can be just right if we choose with intention and discernment.
That is where I choose to focus my attention these days. Because if I don’t choose the pieces that are just right for me, no one else will.
