Uncover your super powers and the big dream that would set your heart on fire.
My husband, Josh, is “between things”.
He is reimagining his relationship with work now that he’s thinking about what’s next… and noticing couple of hurdles as he goes about this exploration:
He struggles to believe that he can make good money doing what he loves
Many of his past work experiences have involved hard work—activities or roles that drained him or left him feeling empty
Sound familiar? The challenge many of us have with work is that we see it as the opposite of play. It’s something we have to do—a “necessary evil” to pay the bills and keep our families afloat.
As William J. Reilly writes in How To Avoid Work, his 1949 guide to doing what you love:
Most [people] have the ridiculous notion that anything they do which produces an income is work — and that anything they do outside ‘working’ hours is play. There is no logic to that. […]
Your life is too short and too valuable to fritter away in work.
If you don’t get out now, you may end up like the frog that is placed in a pot of fresh water on the stove. As the temperature is gradually increased, the frog feels restless and uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to jump out. Without being aware that a change is taking place, he is gradually lulled into unconsciousness.
Much the same thing happens when you take a person and put him in a job which he does not like. He gets irritable in his groove. His duties soon become a monotonous routine that slowly dulls his senses. As I walk into offices, through factories and stores, I often find myself looking into the expressionless faces of people going through mechanical motions. They are people whose minds are stunned and slowly dying.
These words were written more than 70 years ago and couldn’t ring more true today. The notion that work is supposed to be hard has created a culture of grinding, miserable people. It’s brought us to where we are now: The majority of us feel stuck, we’ve swapped time for money, bought lots of things we think we should have (the house, the cars, the furniture on credit…) and find ourselves with financial commitments that require we keep doing the work we don’t love.
We’re too afraid of losing the comfortable cage of stability we’ve created. We’ve forgotten that we can reclaim our time, love what we do and do the things that seem impossible because of all of the obligations we’ve piled on.
So how do we break free from this dismal and dulling cycle? How do you even figure out what kind of work could feel like play?
One simple question that can reveal a living you might actually enjoy is:
How would you spend your time if you were financially independent?
If money wasn’t a barrier, how would you choose to spend your time?
What would you do?
Who would you be with?
Would you create?
Would you organize?
Would you explore?
Once you know the answer to this question, you’ll likely notice a lot of objections/excuses coming up.
I don’t have the time.
I don’t have enough money!
What would my parents/peers/significant other think?
According to Reilly, these are the top three excuses people make when confronted with the fact that they’re wasting their time and energy doing work they hate.
- Not Enough Time
Without Time nothing is possible. Everything requires Time. Time is the only permanent and absolute ruler in the universe. But she is a scrupulously fair ruler. She treats every living person exactly alike every day. No matter how much of the world’s goods you have managed to accumulate, you cannot successfully plead for a single moment more than the pauper receives without ever asking for it. Time is the one great leveler. Everyone has the same amount to spend every day. – William J Reilly
We all have the same 24 hours a day. Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Greta Thunberg…all had/have the same 24 hours we do. Most of us spend about 16-18 of those hours doing things. And those things are either focused and driven by a sense of purpose or they’re not. Reilly observes that “a person cannot apply himself to anything incessantly without growing weary unless he loves it—unless it’s not work.” And that’s the key…
If you choose to spend time doing things that light you up, that feel important (and perhaps a bit scary)—if you make time to do them, even if it’s only an hour a day, then you will do the things.
One day, you will have a book or the ability to play the piano or a business or a [fill in the blank] that was once just an idea, a desire…and is now the fruit of your labour. You will feel a deep sense of satisfaction, akin to the satisfaction you feel when you climb a mountain or run a marathon or do any other hard thing that takes commitment.
I have watched Josh teach himself how to play the guitar in 15-minute daily increments over the 15 years I’ve known him. He got frustrated at times but he never gave up. He kept his guitar in a place where he would see it every day and picked it up. Now he plays beautifully.
As Oliver Burkeman so eloquently notes in Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals:
The problem with trying to make time for everything that feels important—or just for enough of what feels important—is that you definitely never will. The reason isn’t that you haven’t yet discovered the right time management tricks or supplied sufficient effort, or that you need to start getting up earlier, or that you’re generally useless. It’s that the underlying assumption is unwarranted: there’s no reason to believe you’ll ever feel ‘on top of things,’ or make time for everything that matters, simply by getting more done.
You have limited time. Why not choose to spend it in ways that feel good?
- Not Enough Money
Money comes when you focus on what brings you to life. When you create value, you receive money. It’s a simple equation that many of us struggle with. It’s so easy to convince ourselves that most of the successful wealthy people come from wealth but that’s less true now than it’s ever been. It’s also a gross dismissal of the dedication most of the “impossibly” successful people in the world have had to a singular purpose.
Money never comes first in self-expression of any kind. Study the biographies of those who have built great fortunes, and you will learn that money came to them after they had produced or discovered something. – William J. Reilly
When I was 25, my writing mentor discouraged me from doing a year-long internship in ceramics. “Don’t be a dabbler,” he said. Those words were branded into my psyche. They have helped me to remember that while I have lots of interests, the more I split my energy, the less I have for the things that matter most to me. If changing people’s lives with my words and stories is a deep desire that sets my heart on fire, then dedicating myself to becoming a compelling writer and storyteller—and a person who actually makes a living from her craft—needed to come first.
So I focused. I wrote. I overcame the resistance my fear and ego threw at me. As a result, I was able to create the life I have now: where money flows in; where I know that I’m touching people’s hearts and helping them to live joyful lives…through my words and my stories. (AND I get to make ceramics for fun too!)
In a world marked by constant change, where the rich of today are often the poor of tomorrow, due to circumstances beyond their control, the only security is your ability to produce something of value for your fellow man, and your only guarantee of happiness is your joy in producing it.
True happiness lies in the pursuit of your goal, achievement in your chosen field. This must always remain primary. Whenever money becomes primary, you are on treacherous ground.
- What would others think?
The desire for approval and external validation gets in the way of doing the big things. Often, when we want something or have a big bold idea, we go the the people closest to us for their validation…This is a good idea, right?
Each of us is somewhat like an electric light bulb, deriving its power from some central force. Just as the bulb accumulates dust and soot from the air around it until it is darkened, then blackened, so our individuality becomes dulled at first and then entirely blotted out from the accumulation of advice and interference which is superimposed upon us by family and friends. If you examine their advice, you will find that they are continually offering counsel based on their own experience in connection with a situation that is quite different from the one you are facing. – William J. Reilly
Other people are not us. Many of the things we can do, they can’t. For your colleague in HR, writing a best-selling novel is impossible. For your corporate lawyer cousin, the idea of creating a multi-million dollar foundation that creates sustainable businesses by bringing together artists, business types and coaches is insane.
She’ll look at that big dream and say “That’s impossible!” or ask “…but how?” and when you don’t have clear answers, she’ll list all of the obstacles she can think of. Rather than seeing opportunity, she sees only obstacles. And that’s okay because your dream isn’t her dream. Most other people can’t untangle what’s possible for them from what’s possible for you.
Rather than basing your life on someone else’s opinion, commit to doing the thing that lights you up. Move toward that dream one step at a time. If you’re doing something that’s really on purpose, it will feel like play, like the best game in the world. Love what you’re doing and every step will feel like worthwhile exertion. It might be hard, but it certainly won’t feel like work.
Still not sure what your big thing might be? I have created a workbook to help you uncover your super powers and the big dream that would set your heart on fire. Click here to download the workbook.
Love Always,
LJ
